Attention Seek Much???

What is appropriate today when seeking a date and even a mate?  How should one carry themselves?  Since I am a woman, I will attack this from a woman’s perspective, my perspective.  I have lived a little, dated a little, been married, and divorced.  Some of the behaviors that I see today in the dating/mating realm are foreign to me.  I’ve never been one to fall to peer pressure so I can honestly say that even if social media had been around in those days that I wouldn’t have participated in the attention seeking behavior that is so rampant today.

Let’s start with technology.  I know for a fact that there is no way that I would be one of these teenagers with a cellphone.  My parents would not have allowed it. This post today is not about teenaged years but I wanted to mention it because I see our youth doing outrageous things and posting it to social media.  I suppose some of it should be expected because they are teenagers (apparently unmonitored) doing this.  But when I see adults doing things that the young people are doing, I am in shock and awe.

I was on Facebook today and I was utterly amazed at some of the videos, pictures, and comments I was seeing.  When I am working I tend to stay away from Facebook.  It is too distracting.  But since it is summer, I want to catch up with family and friends and  I happen to get sucked into to the attention seeking abyss.  I am ashamed at what can appear to be low self-esteem of women AND men on social media.

So I will stop here and give a personal history.  I was raised by a mother and father who were married.  I was blessed.  I know that is not the case with many.  Not saying that it makes me any better either.  There was no domestic violence, child abuse, or other unsavory activities taking place in the home.  My parents knew my friends and their parents, they were actively involved in my life to ensure that I would grow up with a healthy self-esteem and compassion for others.  My parents showed and told me they loved me. They were there to correct and guide me if something went astray.  I say all of this to say that it seems like many children are missing this today.  Actually, I believe some people in general missed this.

Okay, back to the attention seeking.  I believe that some of the dysfunctional things seen on social media are a result of  things missing from their childhood.   Why would a woman put up half-naked or completely naked photos and then wonder why men don’t respect her?  Allowing a man to see and test “the goods” before any type of true understanding of what is expected.  Something had to be missing from her childhood.  The mere thought of posting a suggestive picture of myself for the world to see is not in my thought process.  Some of my friends call me prudish, and I just laugh.  They tell me I need to get with the times.  I tell them they need to get some self-respect and a life!

Women are not the only ones guilty of these “sexy” pictures.  Some of the things I have seen men post also reek of attention seeking.  I have to admit, the visual side of me enjoys some of the posts.  But the emotional side of me thinks that if this man will post his goods for the world, he may not be someone I can trust in the long run (relationship wise). I also think unrequested penis pictures are disgusting.  If we don’t ask for them, don’t send them…

Another aspect of this attention seeking comes in the form of words.  Women openly brag about what they will do, how and with whom.  That is not cute.  Keep some mystery ladies.  Then there are those who blatantly post that they are lonely and miserable.  Now you are opening yourself up to all kinds of shenanigans from people.  The predatory men love to see this.  The inboxes fill up, which temporarily fills up the self-esteem of the women. These lonely and miserable posts are not just from the women  though.  I have seen them from men too.  Mostly men that are already in relationships or married.  What is going on here? I have seen several of my men friends do this (sorry if you guys are reading this…lol…at least I’m not saying your names).  I see them do this and then they sit back and wait for the fireworks.  I am amazed! I get so mad at them because they will have a beautiful, loving woman in their lives, but will bait women online.  I often tell them to tend to their woman and stop this. Stop creating the temptation for yourself.  Get offline or get out of the relationship if you are not happy.  People creating all kinds of mess.  Destroying relationships before they can fully bloom.  Thanks social media!!!

Today I saw something on a friends timeline that said something about in this day and age men shouldn’t be paying for everything all the time (while dating).  Sure, in a serious relationship or marriage both should contribute.  But I am from the old school of thought – when dating, a man should pay.  May be outdated, but it has not failed me one time.  People, especially men, spend their hard earned money on what they WANT and NEED.  My father and my grandfather taught me this.  They also taught me that if a man wants to date you, he should pick up tab.  I have noticed that the men that want me to pay fully for partially on a date, are really not interested in a relationship.  I have no problem paying for myself or even paying if we go out, but I will consider you a friend and not someone who is interested in anything serious.  It is my belief that if women engage in paying for dates and gifting men with material/sexual things in hopes of one day being in a serious relationship (another form of attention seeking), that man will probably get tired of them and not be interested in anything serious.  Let a man be a man.  He probably wont appreciate what he doesn’t have to work for…stop being so easy and make them work for your time and attention.  Even if money is an issue for him, he WILL find a way.

Attention seeking behavior usually brings on the wrong type of attention.  Then people get mad when things do not flourish as they had hoped.  Don’t be upset with the result if you insist on this type of behavior.  There will always be someone better looking than you, with more money, and material things.  If you start under these conditions, you are sure to lose.  That short-lived attention you got from them will soon find its way into the inbox, likes, and shares of the next one.  Keep your clothes on when smiling for the camera, use your words wisely, and seek attention and love from family and friends.  Learn to respect yourself and seek something better for yourself.




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